Stand

It's  no lie that I've been struggling with my weight these past few months. I'm not sure why I started but it did. It started about a year ago. I saw 157.4 pounds on the scale at the end of May (the lowest weight in my 30's) and started yo-yoing after that.

It didn't become a real issue until I started creeping up closer to the 170's and now I've been planted there since January. I could handle 160. I could handle 165. Only because I could still fit into my 10's and medium tops. But 175? No. Just...no. I'm now wearing a 12 again and a large top. I can get into some 10's and some medium's but mostly not. I'm not saying I'm not healthy or unhappy here. I could be back where I at 250+ pounds. But this is clearly not where I want to be.

I knew I was going to gain on vacation and I think gaining 4.4 pounds is good. I was 175.4 pounds when I left and 179.8 pounds when I returned. Last Friday I was 175.4 so after a week where I was. Actually, Wednesday I saw 174.4 pounds, but whatever. I had a rough weekend with overeating and some alcohol. The husband and I celebrate our anniversary of when we starting dating so I know I did some damage. Plus, TOM is about a week away. I haven't been working out like I need to. I missed my usually Sunday morning run. I've been having a hard time getting up since the time change in March and I've tried to make the best of it, but it's tough.

I start doubting myself. I start thinking I can't do it and I need help. I start hating. And that isn't going to do anything to help me.

I picked myself up and brushed myself off. I'm going to lose the weight I gained. I know I will. I can do it and I will do it. I've run 7 miles so far this week. 3 on Tuesday and 4 on today. I haven't been to the gym, but I have been using my treadmill at home. I'll get back to my 6am gym workouts, but until I do, I have my own treadmill.

On the way home from work tonight I heard the song "Stand" by Rascal Flatts and it really hit home:

"You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on"