Summer cold

So what I thought were allergies has turned into some hellish summer cold. And, I know it’s not actually summer yet, but whatever. It’s been humid as hell here and when the air conditioner is on, it’s summer. So there.

I spent all day sneezing at work and I thought, well, duh, it’s allergies. It’s only been snowing pollen for a week. Your eyes have been itching for 2 days.
But now? Now, I’m miserable. I feel awful. I want to die. Or take a bottle of NyQuil. Either would work for me.

I did make it to the gym last night after work and did a little Elliptical for an hour. If you know me, I am not an after work workout type of girl. I am a before work, I’m at the gym at 6am type of girl. But my back has been a bitch lately and I haven’t been sleeping well. So I went after work. And it was the first time in 3 weeks that I was there.

I missed it. I need to get back.I hope to go tomorrow if I feel better.

June is going to be a great month for me. I have BIG plans. The Warrior Dash is June 10th. That alone is going to be awesome.

I hope

I'm not exactly sure when my eating habbits turned so sour. But, if I can fix them, I should be okay.

Another reason I'm not blogging so much. I don't feel worthy. This is a weight loss blog and I'm not losing. I've gained gained since Thanksgiving and if I was still 165 (which is where I was at my Birthday in November 2011) I'd be a lot happier.

I know I will figure things out.

I hope.

Moving right along

I think that this is the first week in a long time that I have felt like I've been in serious control of my eating. I'm not sure if I'm going to weigh myself or not yet. I don't have to if I don't want to but we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

I stayed away from the grocery store tonight (I was going to go pick up some things after work) because it seems like Friday nights have turned into a binge night for me. And I'm proud of that. Tomorrow we're going to a party and I plan on bringing my own food.

Sunday we have 2 invites to parties and I'm not sure which one we're going to. We may go to both and again, I am bringing my own food.

I also may be going to Karaoke tomorrow night if the work bestie doesn't give birth. Or feels up to it. If I drink, I will count those beers.

Sunday has turned into another binge night for me lately and I'm hoping to not do that this week, too. Maybe I've got control of things again.

Maybe. We'll see.

If I don't make it to the gym, I at least have my treadmill to use. Hoping for 4 miles, but I'll take 3.

A little at a time

I've been a bad blogger lately. A really bad one. Sometimes I think while I'm at work "Oh, I should really blog tonight" and I start thinking of a blog post and when I get home I think "No, I don't that is good enough. It's too boring. People don't care."

Not too much has really been going on in my life so I don't feel like I have that much to share right now. I had a fantastic 3 mile run this morning. Well, it was more like 3.26 miles and if I didn't have to shower and go to work, I would have gone longer. It was the first time in a long time I really enjoyed my run. I hadn't run since Sunday, so it was needed.

I went into work on Monday and Tuesday thinking that Friday (tomorrow) was the end of the month and that I had all this work I needed to finish. While I was on vacation it all just sort of piled up and didn't get done. But on Tuesday, my coworker pointed out that June 1st is NEXT Friday. I could have kissed him. No, really. I could have. It was like a big relief was taken off my shoulder. For this week.

I'm trying so hard to eat good and exercise. I really need to do this right now. We're planning a trip to Florida in August and I don't want to be carrying around anymore weight. I'm just trying to handle it a little at a time.

This 3 day weekend is going to be nice. I just need to relax and enjoy myself. I already told my husband I'm bringing my own food to the parties we're going to and I don't care what anyone says. I will stay within my points range and that is that.

Oh, and yes, I'm doing Weight Watchers again. I haven't gotten on the scale since last week, but I don't have to. I'm doing it on my own, again, which is how I did it before so I don't have to stress myself out with meetings or the scale or anything like that.  Once I'm over the bloating of TOM I can safely step back on the scale.

Oh, my back!!

I got new running sneakers yesterday. I went to the New Balance store (because I am a New Balance snob thank you very much) and got fitted again just to see where we were at.

Funny, I ended up walking out with the same pair I already have. Just the newer version. And shame on me for running with the same pair of sneakers for the past 10 months. Bad, bad, bad. I should know better.

I took them for a spin this morning and I love them. I knew I would. I haven't worn a pair of New Balance sneakers that have done me wrong yet.

I am really trying to figure out what is going on with my back. I see my Chiropractor 1-2 times a week and yet every morning I wake up with horrible pain. HORRIBLE. I think it's our bed. We have a really nice mattress. It's a Posturepedic. It's about 3 years old. And I loved it when when we first got it. Now? I hate it. It hurts me so much when I got to bed and I have to sleep on my side and it hurts. HURTS!!!

Friday I weighed in at 176.8 pounds. Not so good. Not good at all. But I'm trying. I told you all I've been struggling. I have a good eye on it and I am not going to lose control of myself. We'll see what happens come this Friday. I know TOM is due so I'm sure that had something to do with it. Plus I didn't work out much last week. I've gotten in 7 miles this weekend. I need to get back to the gym instead of running on my treadmill at home. That would help. I miss strength training.

Stand

It's  no lie that I've been struggling with my weight these past few months. I'm not sure why I started but it did. It started about a year ago. I saw 157.4 pounds on the scale at the end of May (the lowest weight in my 30's) and started yo-yoing after that.

It didn't become a real issue until I started creeping up closer to the 170's and now I've been planted there since January. I could handle 160. I could handle 165. Only because I could still fit into my 10's and medium tops. But 175? No. Just...no. I'm now wearing a 12 again and a large top. I can get into some 10's and some medium's but mostly not. I'm not saying I'm not healthy or unhappy here. I could be back where I at 250+ pounds. But this is clearly not where I want to be.

I knew I was going to gain on vacation and I think gaining 4.4 pounds is good. I was 175.4 pounds when I left and 179.8 pounds when I returned. Last Friday I was 175.4 so after a week where I was. Actually, Wednesday I saw 174.4 pounds, but whatever. I had a rough weekend with overeating and some alcohol. The husband and I celebrate our anniversary of when we starting dating so I know I did some damage. Plus, TOM is about a week away. I haven't been working out like I need to. I missed my usually Sunday morning run. I've been having a hard time getting up since the time change in March and I've tried to make the best of it, but it's tough.

I start doubting myself. I start thinking I can't do it and I need help. I start hating. And that isn't going to do anything to help me.

I picked myself up and brushed myself off. I'm going to lose the weight I gained. I know I will. I can do it and I will do it. I've run 7 miles so far this week. 3 on Tuesday and 4 on today. I haven't been to the gym, but I have been using my treadmill at home. I'll get back to my 6am gym workouts, but until I do, I have my own treadmill.

On the way home from work tonight I heard the song "Stand" by Rascal Flatts and it really hit home:

"You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on"