Fighter

So here's the deal. I went a little crazy. Okay, a lot crazy. I gained some weight. Okay, more weight.

But, I'm back in control. One of the best ways for me to stay on track is by prepping my food for the week on Sunday. I would either throw something in the crockpot, or make cook something in the oven and I would make it last for the week. I would have all my breakfasts measured out and all my fruit washed and put in containers.

I would also work out 4-5 times a week. If I missed a day, no big deal. I still would have 4 days under my belt.

What happened to change that? I don't know. I thought I was fine. I thought that I could watch what I ate but not worry about points (or calories). I got really caught up in how many miles I was running, instead of the fact that I was running and working out.

I had a pity party this weekend and hated myself. I hated that I had to watch everything I put in my mouth. I hated that I had to workout. I hated that it felt like I was on a diet for the past 20+ years and I just wanted to not worry about it for once in my life.

But, I realize that isn't possible. I wasn't blessed with a fast metabolism. I'm going to have to watch everything I put in my mouth and track it. I'm going to have to workout 4, 5, 6 days a week if I want the body I want.

I realize it's okay to have a slip up once in awhile. But, don't let it turn into 2 days, 5 days, a week, a month, etc. Because I do not want to have to lose 100 pounds a 3rd time. It's tiring and hard and I think doing it twice is enough.

And I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I want my child to have one, too. I do not want to teach my child to use food as a crutch like I have do.  I'm very aware that I am an emotionally eater and I will always will be.

But sometimes it's better to go work out the stress at the gym after work, instead of coming home and eating a cake.

I have to remember it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle and it always will be. I love eating healthy. I love working out. I love how I feel when I walk out of the gym knowing that I did something good for my body.

I know that I will always have the highs and lows of weight loss. I know the scale is an evil bitch and I won't let her control my self worth. I also know that I need to weigh myself weekly in order to make sure I'm on track. I know I can go by how my clothes fit, but the scale helps, too.

That is my insight from this week. I worked out once. I ran 3 miles and felt shitty about it. But it was 3 miles I didn't run 3 years ago. And even though I have gained weight and I had to dig out some older clothes, the weight will come off.

I'm a fighter. And I'll keep fighting.