Stand

It's  no lie that I've been struggling with my weight these past few months. I'm not sure why I started but it did. It started about a year ago. I saw 157.4 pounds on the scale at the end of May (the lowest weight in my 30's) and started yo-yoing after that.

It didn't become a real issue until I started creeping up closer to the 170's and now I've been planted there since January. I could handle 160. I could handle 165. Only because I could still fit into my 10's and medium tops. But 175? No. Just...no. I'm now wearing a 12 again and a large top. I can get into some 10's and some medium's but mostly not. I'm not saying I'm not healthy or unhappy here. I could be back where I at 250+ pounds. But this is clearly not where I want to be.

I knew I was going to gain on vacation and I think gaining 4.4 pounds is good. I was 175.4 pounds when I left and 179.8 pounds when I returned. Last Friday I was 175.4 so after a week where I was. Actually, Wednesday I saw 174.4 pounds, but whatever. I had a rough weekend with overeating and some alcohol. The husband and I celebrate our anniversary of when we starting dating so I know I did some damage. Plus, TOM is about a week away. I haven't been working out like I need to. I missed my usually Sunday morning run. I've been having a hard time getting up since the time change in March and I've tried to make the best of it, but it's tough.

I start doubting myself. I start thinking I can't do it and I need help. I start hating. And that isn't going to do anything to help me.

I picked myself up and brushed myself off. I'm going to lose the weight I gained. I know I will. I can do it and I will do it. I've run 7 miles so far this week. 3 on Tuesday and 4 on today. I haven't been to the gym, but I have been using my treadmill at home. I'll get back to my 6am gym workouts, but until I do, I have my own treadmill.

On the way home from work tonight I heard the song "Stand" by Rascal Flatts and it really hit home:

"You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on"

My routine

I don't even know why I've been so tired this week. Maybe I'm recovering from vacation. Maybe I'm getting used to my routine at work and home. Maybe it's everything.

But, I'm tired. Tired to the point where I slept until 9:30am yesterday and 10:15am today. That isn't like me. At all. Last Sunday I did the same thing (slept until 10am). I am usually up and out the door for the gym by 8am on the weekends. Earlier if I go into work for some overtime.  Needless to say I only went to the gym twice this week, but managed to hit the treadmill at home so that helped. I don't like getting to the gym at noon. I like to be walking out the door at 10am so that my workout is done and behind me.

I really don't know why I am so tired. I'm probably not going to workout today. I just don't WANT to. Isn't that wrong? I'm tired. My back hurts. And I would much rather not workout before I use my home treadmill. I don't want to stare at the garage wall for 45 minutes. 

I need to get myself together and get back to my workout routine.

It starts tomorrow.

And Happy Mother's Day to all!!

Texas

It's been a week since we returned from Texas. Hard to believe. The week there I was so happy to be away from Connecticut. Away from work. I slept amazing the entire time.

Texas was what I thought it would be. It was hot. It was humid. And it was big. Everyone was really nice. The food was freaking fantastic. And I got to meet Claire, although we didn't get to hang out for nearly as long as I wish we could have. Next year (which I have been told there will be a next year) I hope that will be different.

So would I live in Texas? No. The traffic alone was enough to scare me the hell away. Ha! Their off ramps and on ramps are a nightmare. Who invited that highway system anyway? Would I go back to visit? Absolutely. I didn't get to do as much as I had wanted, so next year I want to do more.

Here are a couple pictures:

Here we are outside the hotel. I burn pretty easily and Texas got me good. The first full day we were in Houston I fried like a lobster. this was our last night there so we were being really goofy. We had spent the day the zoo and were exhausted.

Here I am outside the hotel. I loved that right by the hotel I could walk to a Whole Foods. I was there a lot while the husband was working.

And here is the husband outside the hotel.

Also right by the hotel? A SUPER TARGET! I almost died. When I went out shopping with the other wives, and pulled up to the store on the Sunday we were there, I almost cried. No, really. They were joking they were going to have send out a search party for me. I was so excited. I went there couple several times.

Next up? New Orleans in December. Hubby's boss told me I was going so I am looking forward to that for sure. I was sad I missed out on it last year.

And the food...I ate everything that was put down in front of me. Not one piece of fried food was left untouched by me. But, I tried to eat light in the morning and lunch so that when dinner rolled around, I was alright. I ate a lot of salads for lunch. And I sued the gym fitness center 5 times. The other wives were impressed and joined me a couple times for workouts.

I gained 4.4 pounds on vacation. I told myself 5 was my max so I don't think that is bad. I'm already back to where I was when we left. I was right back on track on the Sunday after we returned.

Now I am going to lose the 25 pounds I need to lose to get to goal. By my Birthday. I have 7 months. I can do it.

I Want To Offer My Love And Respect To The End*

I can't even begin to say how saddened I am by the passing of Adam "MCA" Yauch of the Beastie Boys. The Beastie Boys have always been a part of my life. Their record (and yes, it was a record when I bought it) License to Ill was a huge part of my childhood. I still have it. The husband and I don't agree on a lot of music and that was a big issue when we first met, but the Beastie Boys was one band we could always agree on. In fact, we danced to "So Watcha' Want" at my Junior Prom. I was very upset when I had to tell him about it because I knew it was going to hurt him as much as it hurt me.  It really hit home for both of us.


*Lyrics to "Sure Shot" by the Beastie Boys

(I will post about my trip in the next couple of days and start blogging more. I PROMISE!). 

Bathing suit hell

I tried on my bathing suit from last summer and it was hell. Who would have thought 15 pounds would make such a big difference? I wanted to cry when I looked at myself. My stomach was just so...so...UGH! I was not happy.

When I come back from vacation, I am kicking this weight loss back into high gear and losing these 15 pounds.

I don't know how I gained the 15 pounds back, but I did. And I'm not happy about it. I know I'm going to go on vacation and I'm going to enjoy myself. But when I get back? Bye-bye 15 pounds.

I will not weigh myself the day after I return. I may wait a few weeks before I weigh myself. I haven't decided yet.

I worked too hard to lose the weight and I won't gain anymore.

I'm all ass and stomach. Why couldn't I get some boobs??

Blogger, what did you do??

Dear lord! What is this? What did Blogger do to itself? Gag! I hate new things. This is has me all stabby and it took me like 10 minutes just to figure out how to post a new update.

Really, Blogger? Really?

Anyway. I leave for Texas in 6 days. That's right. 6 days. I'm pretty excited. I get to have a vacation while the husband works. I get to visit my very first Lululemon store. The husband is very nervous about this. He had no idea what it was and when I told him? He was not thrilled. I get to meet the lovely and funny and awesome, Claire!! This is what I most excited about!! I adore this girl so very much. There is a Starbucks at the hotel. This makes me all sorts of happy. Saturday I am getting my workout on (at the 24 hour fitness center at our hotel) and hitting up the pool. All day. Yep. I am not moving from the pool area. I will have my Kindle ready. Just in case you need me or anything. That is where I will be.

Where was I?

Oh yes. So, my weight loss. It bites. But I don't care. I was 173.4 pounds last week. This week? 174.4 pounds. Really? I don't care. I have lost inches. I feel awesome. I went shopping for clothes for my our trip after work (yes I worked today. I have worked every Saturday for the past month and I hate it, but I like the money) and I think I looked good in everything I bought. I ran into an old friend who didn't recognize me. So...there is that.

I know when I get back from vacation I'll get back into gear and lose the weight. I want to. But, right now it's more about being healthy and feeling good. I'm working out 5-6 days a week and I feel amazing. What else is there? I know if my clothes don't fit right I need to tweak my diet. I need to tweak my workout. I'm running again. I'm almost back up to 5 miles. I'm loving going to the gym. I'm happy.

I think I'm staying off the scale until June. That way whatever happens on vacation stays on vacation and I have time to lose it when I return to Connecticut. Sounds good to me.