This is hard

I've been trying to figure out how to write this post. It's a hard post to write. I've been telling myself I was going to write this blog all week.

Suzi wrote about it.

Jen wrote about it.

It started back in April when I took out my summer clothes for our trip to Texas and nothing fit. My capri pants were too small. My dresses were too snug. My tank tops too tight. I thought, well, it's not that bad. I've gained 15 pounds, I can go on vacation and when I get back, I'll lose it.

When our vacation rolled around for Florida in August, I'd be fine. I'd have lost the 15 pounds and be back at 160 pounds, a comfortable weight.  Just keep eating healthy, counting your points and running. You'll get back to wear you want to be.


In June, the husband and I decided we were going to try and have a baby. We were ready and it just felt right. I was pretty excited and started planning all the fun things I was going to do to the spare room. However, after a couple months of trying, I decided that I wanted to put that idea on hold because of my weight gain.


If you haven't noticed, and you may not have, I didn't post any pictures from my picture to Texas. I posted some on Facebook, but not a lot. I wasn't too comfortable with myself at that point, even though being 175 pounds wasn't as bad as uncomfortable as when we went to Florida in August. I hated every single picture that was taken of me on that trip and I won't be posting any of those pictures any time soon.


That is when I knew I had gained enough weight to start becoming ashamed of myself again.


2012 has not been the stellar year I had hoped it would be for me weight wise. I had hoped to get down to 150 pounds, but that didn't happen. I thought I would try other things that might help me reach that goal. I struggled. I've been a bad blogger and there is no excuse for that. I kept telling myself, you have time, you have time.

But, I clearly did not have time. Those 15 pounds I had quickly turned into 20 and those 20 turned into 25. And as of this morning they were 32. 31.8 to be exact.

I weigh 191.8 pounds. I've gone up and down over the past couple of months or so. I've seen 187. I've seen 194. But, I always seem to stay between those numbers.

I blame me. I can't blame anyone else. It's my fault for eating half a cake some nights. Or drinking too much. Or two (or more) sleeves of cookies. All in the same night.

I know what works for me to lose weight. It's Weight Watchers. Counting my points and working out 4-5 days a week. That is what works. I can't keep trying other things when they don't work.

I just want to lose 10-15 pounds at this point so that when we go to New Orleans in December I'll feel a little more comfortable. And so that in January we can start trying to have a baby again. I'll worry about the rest of the weight after the pregnancy.

I am going to start blogger more. I promise!!